Getting Over the Stigma

Fact: It Won’t Always be Sunshine and Daisies

Since I’ve been living at home, I’ve had mixed feelings—depressed because I feel stuck at home and I can’t support myself, but sometimes thankful to have been able to improve my relationship with my parents. Sob stories are a dime a dozen, but there is nothing worse than a bunch of bomerangers whining about their lot in life? No, the job market isn’t the same as it was in 1980, and no, wages haven’t necessarily increased to support the cost of living. Yes, the research is true, we are being taught to sacrifice our dreams to pay bills. Guess what? Get. Over. It.

Survival Tips: When life doesn’t even give you a lemon—go out, find one, and make lemonade.

A) Seize the Opportunity: Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Make job searching your full-time job. Even though I am attending school still while at home, I am soon to graduate and apply to jobs on a constant, daily if not weekly, basis. There are some great tips out there on how to get started.

B) Learn From Other Cultures: Here’s the deal- In most other cultures, and even more recently in Canada, you have multiple generations living under the same roof. This isn’t weird to them, and it also isn’t something to be ashamed of. Obviously they were doing something right. Check out this research article to see how they succeeded by emphasizing family values and care for one another. 

C) Don't Let the Stigma Exist: Many researchers and sociologists report that with the rise of boomerang kids, the stigma that previously existed with it is diminishing. Enter and exit your childhood home everyday with your head held high.

Lastly, Don't ever forget to laugh. 

"Money Changes Everything"-Cyndi Lauper

Fact: Money Makes the World Go ‘Round

Sociologists, economists and psychologists have been researching and analyzing various statistics to figure out what brought our unexpected move back home. After much painstaking data collection some of the following reasons were discovered:

Financial problems from high credit 
&student loan debt

Tight job market

Prohibitive cost of housing

Conclusion: according to recent statistics, fewer and fewer children expect to have it better than their parents. Most of us move home with the best of intentions, which is to primarily to save money for major life goals. But when it comes down to putting out money where our mouths are, we find ourselves falling short of our goals. Here are some times for getting that money to stop running away from your bank account:

 Survival Tip: Dust Off Your Calculator

A) Be Your Own Detective: Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and track your expenses! Be it your morning latte, late night pizza-it’s a cost that needs to be noted. Break down your expenses into those that are fixed (i.e. phone bills/loans) and those that are recreational (going to the movies or out to dinner with friends). Check out the top 7 money saving apps here!

B) Prioritize: Just because you have more money at your disposal doesn’t mean you should go to the bar more or dine out every night. Show your finances (and parents) some respect and responsibility. It’s okay to say “No” sometimes to spending. Trust me, you’re not missing out on much.

C) Words of the Wise: Parents are helping you save money and achieving your crazy life goal of growing up. They also provide great advice on how to get to where you want to be…they were in your shoes once remember? Pick their brain for some money saving tips!

D) Set financial goals: How much do you want to save within a certain time? How much do you need to have saved to feel comfortable moving out? 

Remember: Living at home isn’t suppose to be a free ride to having more fun, it’s to help you push your life forward in the long run. So get achieving those goals! Just for some inspiration...

Social Life 101: Part Two

Fact: Socializing Becomes a Chore

So your social life is hanging by a thread, don’t sit there and cry- Embrace it. No, it won’t be the same as your life at college, but that is just a part of growing up – we all have to stop going to homecoming parties some day. Studies at the Stanford Centre on Longevity have shown that many young adults do become less social as we get older.  But you just spent four years of perfecting the art of socialization, why stop now?

Survival Tip: Get Out There

A) Go Out: Don’t let those horror memories of the suburbs turn you into a social hermit. Trust me on this one – it will keep you sane and give your parents some quality time together that they probably want too. Here are some Girls and Guys night out ideas to get things going. According to the latest Census Reports in Canada, there are plenty of us out there. Use this to band together with friends and laugh over your hardships together. (Julianna is my venting outlet).

My partner in crime

B)  Plan, plan, plan and maybe plan some more: If you’re like me and was the regular host for having friends over at university, then moving home was an absolute nightmare. Best thing to do in this case is plan in advance and inform your parents about your intentions to have people over. Ensure that you have the space “booked” to do so and that your parents understand the proper adult-child guest edict guidelines.

DON’T THROW A RAGER- we’re not 16 anymore guys.But remember: don’t try to force the social life you had at school into the social life you have at home, because they are so different.

Social Life 101: Part One

Fact: Mother Bear is Always Watching

Four days into enjoying the homemade meals and the luxury of not paying rent, you realize, “I. Have. No. Social. Life.” You don’t have the freedom you had in college to go out as you please. Your parents always insist on answering the following questions:

Where you are going?

Who you are seeing?

How do I know them?
Fact is, this is incredibly embarrassing. You’re faced with the harsh judgment and approval from your parents that you thought you left behind in your high school days. Fret not though– there are some ways to deal with conversing about your social life with parents.

Survival Tips

A) Remain Calm and Social On: Studies show that most parents wholeheartedly love their children. Remember guys, your parents love you – there questions and concerns just go to prove how much they care (and maybe that they’re slightly psychotic). But be honest as you can with them and do your best. Let them know that they can trust you and when you don’t come home one night, or try to give them a heads up. 

B) There Not Always Right: Psychologist Suzanne Newman reported how parents can easily push us away from. Show them the mistakes they could be making that also push you away. These could be things like asking questions that are TOO personal or uncomfortable.

C) The Distraction Method: While you may be bombarded with questions, you can always resort back to the good old fashion “changing the subject strategy” we all should have mastered back in high school. 

For inspiration on how to learn to love your situation at home check out Jillian Knowles' story.

Now that you know how to cope with parental guidance questions, check in next week on how to keep being social with friends back at home.

Privacy is a Privilege

Fact #3: What’s yours is theres baby – The dissemination of personal space.

Away at school we all got used to being able to speak as LOUD as we wanted to. Cherish the memories of being able to graze casually in the fridge at 1 a.m. without having to worry about the sleepers upstairs. Unfortunately, this new situation affects your parents just as much as it affects you. Reality is, you share a lot more, you give up privacy, but so do they. Family psychologist Susan Newman's research suggests that adjusting expectations and attitudes can significantly improve the time spent together and even make privacy an easier issue to deal with. I have found with my experience that little things can make a huge difference.

Survival Tip: Create your own bubble  

A) The Bedroom 

I have a relatively small room, but this small room is all I have to work with to maintain my private life. When you move back home – make your room somewhere that you LOVE. This may involve making some changes, moving some things around or doing some DIY to make it yours again. Get inspired from these easy tips here. 

SIDE NOTE: Please don’t let your parents try and clean your room for you.

B) The Common Space

As much as I love my bedroom, I also don’t like to see the same four walls all day. I personally enjoy seeing the rest of the house during the day. It may be difficult, but try to feel comfortable watching TV and hanging out with your parents. Establish some simple rules (or in my case ‘signals’) that enable you to be left alone, while being outside of your room. My signal for privacy from my parents generally revolves around me being focused on my laptop, reading, or not being chatty (this is an obvious one for my parents because I am known to never be quiet). 

*You will find your own ways to tell your parents you’re not in the mood to be social – just be gentle, they’re only biologically programmed to love you.

Becoming "That" Person From High School

Fact #2: You are effectively back in high school.

While it may be a silent rule, you will have a curfew. As a silent killer, you will undoubtedly be compelled to return home early since your parents will “stay up until you get home,” or harass you via texting until you are safely back within the walls of their home.  You will be ordered to run strange errands. You will whine to your parents that they “DO NOT UNDERSTAND.” You will blast music to block out the fact that your parents are trying to listen in on your in depth phone conversations. Lastly, you will find yourself wearing pyjamas way more than what is considered acceptable, despite your attempt to maintain your grown-up status.

Survival Tip: Fake Adulthood Anyway

Just because you’re back to your status of high school living, avoid giving in to the situation. Retain your university graduate persona and take your adult approach to life back home with you.
A) Get Out:
This is the one time that creating structure for your life and being organized can actually be worth it. Get into a routine like you would if you were still in school- hit the gym, take a class, volunteer, but most importantly LEAVE THE HOUSE (preferably before the Price is Right comes on).
B) Wardrobe:
Change out of your PJ’s everyday regardless on if you plan on leaving the house that day or not. I am telling you this for your own good, it’s for your sanity folks.

Me, myself and I doing the dishes.

C) Domestic Dignity: Folks I’m only going to say it once: if you have a degree and can’t unload the dishwasher…you have bigger issues.

·    DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY (click here for instructions).

·    CLEAN YOUR OWN DISHES.

·    COOK YOUR OWN dinner at least once a week (take-out not included). The Food Network knows how it's done.

(What a laundry room looks like)